Saw a take somewhere on the internet recently that went something like, “Saying ‘Yes, And’ to everything your players want is bad advice. It’s good to learn to give a firm ‘No.’ sometimes.” Something like that.

I think that’s also bad advice. You know, when it comes to running tactical or rules-heavy games, saying “No” is probably fine to make a ruling or whatnot. But outside of that, I’m not so sure denying players’ ideas is a great idea in general.

Be your players’ greatest fan. Be each others’ hype-person. Players can have some outlandish, weird, or outright confused ideas on what they want to do in a given narrative. Sometimes, going “Yes, And” just doesn’t really work. But don’t tell them they can’t do a thing they’re excited about. Instead, ask questions. Offer different angles. Work with them to get the spirit of their idea to work within whatever framework you’ve going on. You know, workshop it.

Maybe they can’t do exactly what they want, as it wouldn’t fit with what’s going on, or because they’re not quite getting the full picture for whatever reason. That doesn’t mean that their goal or intent isn’t something worth exploring. Something got them excited, got them thinking. Talk to them. Be honest. Ask questions, give feedback. Let others chime in if they have something to add. Maybe another player can offer insights or beats that would bring the original idea closer to being plausible. Sometimes, it will becomes clear that their actions really aren’t a fit, but at least you helped them understand why. This understanding can also lead to more fitting ideas in the end.

Saying “No” is just deflating. Especially in a narrative context. Do that a few times, and the GM-Player relationship begins to feel antagonistic. Or, at the very least, it becomes an unnecessary power dynamic. Now, the players see the GM as someone that needs to be convinced, that needs to allow ideas, that usually says “No.” And I, for one, dislike that a lot.

I’m a fan of my players, I champion their characters. Elevate them as much as I can. Ask questions and offer feedback to help them engage with the fiction, the setting, the game at large.

We’re in this game together–players, GM, all should lift each other up, be each others’ biggest fan.