Listen. I struggle with this prompt. What do I have to say about Darkness with regards to RPGs? What do I connect with this term? First thing comes to mind is mental struggles and how TTRPGs can help with that.
I’m not qualified to talk about how playing these games can be therapeutic–I read some articles on how some people might find some sort of emotional help in games, but I’m not the right person to dig into that. It’s just the first thing that came to mind with this prompt on that topic.
Here’s a Darkness I know well, though: Burnout.
See, I’m am a forever-GM, as they say. Not because I feel that I have to, but because I want to. I love running, and, honestly, I feel like I’m not a great player. Can’t turn off that GM-brain, whether it comes to making rulings or to explore characters of other players, or whatever. I try. It’s fine. But behind the screen is where I belong, in the end.
But I had dark times with that, too. For so many reasons, really. I struggled with running and playing 5e after a few years, for example. But at the time, I didn’t know of a good alternative, and even if I would have, I wasn’t sure my group would enjoy it. So I powered through it, session after session. And it wasn’t all bad, I guess. But I didn’t enjoy myself, didn’t look forward to the next Sunday. Even remembering it now, it feels stressful and, yeah, dark.
One day, though, I had enough. I just told them. I was honest about me not having fun. Not because of them, but because of this game I was just so done with. Because of the campaign we wanted to play being so poorly written, and because the game just not really feeling like it was going anywhere. This is heartbreaking, because we successfully finished several campaigns before. We saw characters rise and shine, die, come back, and change over the course of months. But now, it all just really sucked. I think they all felt it too.
So I spoke up. Said my truth.
And you know what? They heard me. We stopped. Right then and there. I told them that I want to try some other systems, and so we did. Savage Worlds was next. Blades in the Dark came right after. One of them ran Lancer for us for a bit, and then I ran it for a while. Same person ran Pathfinder 2 for us, but I didn’t vibe with that all that much. We noodled around for a bit, unsure of what to play, messing around with this and that.
Then came Draw Steel, and that seemed to revitalize the group again. It’s been going strong since then, and I once again look forward to every session. We’ve been building out our own lore, the characters are so full of potential, and I’m enjoying my time preparing for the next Sunday.
Here’s my point: If you feel GM burnout, talk to your players. Be honest. Open, vulnerable even, if that’s what it takes. Whatever level of trust you have with them, lean on that. Ask them to run something. Even taking a break for a single sessions could make all the difference.
I have since learned to let go of the wheel more often. Outside of my regular Sunday game, we play a game once every week with a slightly less consistent cast, trying out new games every few weeks. And I am not running any of them at the moment. In fact, my players–friends–have all offered to run something next. So our to-play schedule is full right now, and I can relax and just learn to be a better player.
I realize how lucky I am here. It’s hard to find people, harder to keep them around. But if you’re like me, if running game is your passion but your heart just isn’t in it right now, please–please–take a break. And if you can, trust your players to have your back. Don’t let the game become a chore, the next sessions hang over you like a dark cloud. Lots of things to worry about these days, this doesn’t need to be one of them.