Jay lights his cigarette with both hands, cupping the lighter’s flame to protect against the rush of wind coming through the car window. The steering wheel in front of him sways lazily, making the car swerve left and right with it.
“The fuck are you doing?” Bill reaches over from the passenger seat to keep the car on the road. Last thing they need is to end up roof-over-wheels in a ditch somewhere.
Jay takes a deep drag, then laughs. Smoke escapes the sides of his mouth, the cigarette hanging loose between his lips. He doesn’t grab the wheel, he just punches the gas.
“You’re doing great, man!”
“Put your goddamn hands back on the wheel, or I swear—“
The old beater of a car rushes down the pavement, past banks of snow and ice-covered trees, barely staying between the lines. Faster and faster, the wind pushing through the open window, the sound of a world passing by in a blur. And Jay just laughs between heavy drags and clouds of smoke escaping his lungs.
“See,” he yells over the noise, “it’s not always about control, right? You clutch the wheel, but I’m the one with all the power, see? Control is an illusion, man.”
Finally, Jay takes back the wheel and eases off the gas. Like he just made some profound point or something. The smirk on his face says it all. Fucking maniac.
Bill leans back in his seat, taking in a deep breath of second-hand smoke, then lights on for himself. “You’re unhinged,” he says with his eyes closed.
Worst thing is, Jay was right and he didn’t even know it. Bill is desperately clinging on to control while being completely powerless. Not here in this piece of shit car (or not just here, anyways), but back in town. Back in the Boss’s office.
Bill’s been with the gang for a few months now. Jay was his way in, seeing how they were old high school buddies from before Bill and his family moved away. Jay doesn’t know he’s a cop now. He doesn’t know that Bill is back in town after all these years, undercover, to gain the trust and respect of Jay’s Boss. Find a way to bring her down; bring the entire organization down. Drugs, extortion, trafficking—the whole nine.
***
Just before this road trip, Bill was in her office. The Boss—no one used her name—was sitting behind her desk, texting on her phone. Thugs left and right of him as he entered through the door. One wave of a hand from her, and they left, closing the door behind them. Just Bill and the Boss now.
He cleared his throat, kept his hands in his pockets, his eyes down. Kept himself smaller, not that her presence didn’t shrink the entire room around her as it was.
She stopped typing, rubbed her thumb over the screen, then put the phone down before her. If he could get his hands on that phone, he’d have enough to bring her down, he was sure of it.
“Sit, Billy.” The Boss gestured at a chair across from her. “You’re not in trouble.” Her voice was calm, soft, but somehow, these words sounded threatening. She didn’t come up in this business by being nice, after all.
Bill took the chair, sat down. “You wanted to see me, Boss?”
It’s not that he is actually scared of her. One-on-one, he could have easily overpowered her, assuming she couldn’t reach in time for the gun that was sitting right next to the phone on the table.
The real issue is the respect she has in the organization. The backing of the mob. The support of her loyal thugs. The only way out of this—and it is the only way, he knows that—is to bring her down with the law. Collapse the entire house of cards, lock up every single one of them. Even Jay. He hates that idea. Jay was—is—his friend. He just got sucked into this whole mess. This shitty town does that to good people.
The Boss just glared at him. Like she knew. Like this was the moment his cover fell apart. She just needed to see with her own eyes the rat that he was before putting him down. Maybe he could get to his gun before she did. Get ahead of this situation. Gain control.
Instead, she suddenly smiled, leaned back in her chair, and folded her hands before her. Bill’s guard came down slightly.
Then she said, “I think there’s a rat among us.”
Bill got really dizzy right about then.
***
“I’m fucking stoked we get to do this job, Billy!” This time, Jay’s excitement doesn’t translate into reckless driving. Little wins, and all that.
“Yeah,” Bill replied, mirroring his energy. “Did the Boss tell you what this is all about?”
“First, we have to pick some new guy. I’ll go over the details when we get there.”
“New guy, huh? What’s his name?” Bill already knows his name. It was part of his discussion with the Boss.
“Al or Andy or something. Who cares, right? Way I see it, we pull this off, and the Boss will finally let me move up. I deserve that, see? Been about damn time I get to play in the big leagues. No more small-time gigs, running drugs, all that shit. Some real gangsters stuff, yeah?”
Ash. The new guy’s name is Ash. And it’s either him or Jay that is the rat. Or at least that’s what the Boss thought.
***
“You sure?” Bill asked, trying to keep his voice down. “I don’t know this Ash, but Jay’s good. Known him for a long time. Can’t see him going against you or anyone, really.”
The Boss turned in her chair, got up, and walked a few steps over to a small bar against the wall. “Drink?”
Bill’s eyes shifted over to the phone and the gun on the table, all unattended. It would be so easy. Take her hostage, or take her out. The phone held all the evidence he would need. Bring her in, hand it all over. Get out of this job. Maybe his superiors would listen to him when he explained how Jay is really just a victim in all of this. Confused kid that got taken advantage of. Maybe a few years in minimum security, early parole.
The clinking of glass brought him back to the moment. The Boss already poured herself a glass. He needed to get back into character, before she grew suspicious of him. “Yeah, sure. I’ll have a drink.”
She poured him a glass as well, slid it over the table to him, and sat down. Not on her chair, but on the corner of the desk next to him. Towering over him. Looming, like a storm about to break.
“Like I said,” Bill started again, “Jay’s clean. I’m sure of it.”
“Good.” She took a sip. “I’ll need you to keep an eye on him, anyway. You and Jay will be meeting with Ash. Jay already knows the rest of the details. Just make sure him or Ash won’t act out, and if you notice anything—“ she paused, weighing her words. More for effect, he was sure. “—untoward, you let me know, won’t you, Billy?”
He turned the glass in his hands as she spoke, not wanting to make eye contact. “What made you think either of them is going to be a problem, anyways?” He chased that question with a big gulp of the—admittedly fantastic—whiskey.
The fact that Boss is suspecting someone is a rat can’t be good for him in the long run.
“I have my ways. I’ve received some troubling reports in recent weeks that make me question the loyalty of the people working for me. A few small shipments confiscated; one or two inconvenient run-ins with local police. Enough to take a closer look at some of the street-level operatives. You know, the ones that have much to lose if the police would ever get their hands on them. That would be more easily convinced to give up this line of work in exchange for a more lenient sentence.”
Shit. His cover is deep, so he doesn’t meet with his superiors often. Can’t risk the exposure. It’s unlikely anything he gave them in the past would lead to disruptions, but it’s not impossible.
Perhaps this was a test. This whole show she was putting on, wanting him to look out for a rat. Accusing his friend. All to show him that he was not in control. That he had no power. Force him to slip up, make a mistake. Or worse, run back to his real Bosses.
“Okay, yeah, I get that.” Bill tried to keep his cool in the moment, despite his growing fears of discovery. He had to get the heat off his own breaking facade, so he asked, “Who’s this Ash?”
The Boss got up from the table, returned to her seat. She took her phone, checked something, typed something else, and only then looked back at him. “No one special. Just an associate of mine. Ash will help you and Jay with your job.”
Bill nodded. He finished his drink, set down the glass, and got up. “I’ll make sure to keep an eye out for you, Boss.” She has already moved on to dealing with whatever was going on in her phone. So he turned, moved over to the door, and got ready to leave.
Half through the doorway, the Boss said after him, “I’m trusting you with this one, Billy. Don’t disappoint me.”
“Yes, Boss.”
***
Later that day, Jay and Bill arrive at the local fast food joint, where they are supposed to meet this Ash guy. The snow’s piled into dirty heaps to clear the parking lot, and jolly holiday tunes crackle through ancient speakers.
Bill fixates on the large, yellow letter that’s meant to lure in hungry customers, half covered in frozen snow. “Hard to believe this place is still around. Hasn’t change a bit.”
“Yeah, no much changes around here. Ever.” Jay parks the car and makes his way inside. “Might as well grab a bite while we wait.”
Bill follows, but at a distance. He’s still reeling from the conversation with the Boss. No way Jay is a rat, too. He’s too reckless, too involved with this whole life. The chances he is also an undercover cop without Bill knowing about it are slim to none. He enters the restaurant, finds Jay at the counter.
“What are you having?” Jay asks, squinting his eyes to read the menu off the flickering screens above the kitchen. The generic festive music is even louder in here, and red-green decoration covers half the menu screen.
“Not sure,” Bill replies. “Gonna take a piss first. Just get me a cheeseburger and some fries.” He handed him a few dollars.
“Drink?”
The whiskey comes to mind. The glass turning in his hand. The Boss looming.
Do not disappoint me.
“Sure, yes, Boss.” He barely registers this conversation.
He spends some time in the washroom, staring at his own face in the mirror. It’s dripping with the water he threw in it to get focused. One way or another, this whole thing is a setup. Either the Boss knows he’s the rat and is playing him until he slips up, or she truly thinks Jay could be it. If true, she’d expect Bill to do something about this. Either way, he’s fucked. Only hope he has is that this Ash guy is the real problem here.
When he returns, Jay has already found a booth. He’s waving him over, and as Bill comes closer, he notices someone else is sitting across from Jay. Bill can only see the back of their head at this angle.
Jay laughs and points at the newcomer with air quotes. “This is ‘the new guy.’”
When Bill walks around to take a look at this Ash, he sees the last person he’d want to run into. A familiar face from his past. This Ash guy isn’t a guy at all. It’s Ashley Burton. His old high school flame. The one he left behind when his family moved to the city. The one that got away. All he can do is stand there, eyes wide, mouth open. Frozen from feelings unfelt for over a decade. No control. No power.
Ash looks him in the eyes. A flash of recognition. A too-long moment stretching over years of lost contact, over broken hearts and unsaid what-ifs.
Then she says rather annoyed, “You’re late.”